I was born under the care of my grandma... and alot of aunts and uncles... I'm the oldest in the new generation... Grandma just dote me cause I'm the only girl the rest are guys... She can make good food... Crack good jokes... and She likes gathering...

She always say Shuling... you see gradma is it having a good life... I have so many children and so many grandchildren... Ya I have cousin that is just born... Can you imagine I'm already 23... I'm like looking after the nursery at times... Its so fun...

Recent years she always nagg me... When are you bringing your boyfriend to me... When are you going to study a degree... I just ignore like usual naggs... We are like the Joy Luck Club... The Woman Clan... cause in the family there is 1 grandma 5 aunts my mom and me... it already outrule the mans... The man can only stay outside to rotate their mahjong session...

Finally when my mom told her that I'm seeing someone she is damn happy... Too bad I'm not good in handling a relationship... So it don't last til new year... So she is disappointed again...

This is not the case... She is so naughty... I always caught her smoking at the stair case like a small girl scare being caught... I always say this is the last time... Cannot smoke next time le understand... Later aunty will kill me and give you a lecture... Still I will still caught her... then She will pull me to the stair case to talk while she faster finish her cigerette...

After I change my job... I didn't really have time for her the last time I see her is during New Year... and just 1 days ago my mom called me and say grandma is in critical condition might not be able to pass thru tonight...

I rush down pending all my emails and faxes for tml... I have no concentration for my work... When I reach the hospital... Ah ma was unconsious... She is under the morphy drop to kill the pain and prolong the hours... She is breathing very heavily... and she is suddenly so skinny... I went there and call her Ah ma... no reply... I hold her hand... "Ah ma..." no reply... damn the hand was small and cold and no life... "Ah ma this is shuling i come and visit you..." still no reply...
I don't like my ah ma to be like that i want her to jump around hop around and keep nagging me... i want her to keep forcing to help her with her food cos she always want me to be a very demure lady that can be good in food as well...

When it hit 11 the nurse ask us off... The adults are all sending the children hope I'm also included as the childrens... and the adults are all coming back to stay over not to miss the last moments...
When morning arrive... we request for my grandma discharge... as the doctor cannot do anithing to my grandma... She is a strong lady who really endure... when she complaint about her pain and we bring her to the hospital... her Kidney already have a hole and her liver is all damage due to the cancer and its swollen to 3 times it size...

Grandma have all her wish granted... she have given away 3 aunts... so it should be 8 aunts but i'm not close to them... cause we find them back in the recent years... She always scare that the 3 aunts will hate her for sending them away since birth... I cried when my aunt say... We never blame you ma... Although we just reunion but you are the best ma... next life we still want to be your child... can you hear us... we understand the circumstances so we never blame you and daddy...

She still nagg that she don't have time to see me going out with someone and get married... which I feel very sad again... This is out of my control ah ma... But I promise I'll find a really good guy... I'll make sure he is as hommy as ever and loves my family as well... I'm can't accept the fact actually cause everyone is hiding from me... I don't have time to spend my last hour... I dont even have time to talk to you... I hope you wont go cause I haven't found someone... If this could be the reason to make you stay... I rather be single all my life just to make you stay by my side... Grandma you still want to travel around... We haven't go travelling... How can you go just like that... Grandma you haven't done the things you wish to do so you can't go... how can you go just like that... Come back ar... Come back... Then we can go alot of places and I promise I'll always visit you even I dont have time... Don't leave us ar... I haven't even bring my bf back yet... How can you just leave like that...

Grandma all of us will be very bonded and very close... You will be smiling down... Bing Bing already attached... Wei Wei too... I'll make sure they dont dump their girlfriend for good... haha... You will be very happy that the family is growing and we are still bonded... everyone will remember you and what you have done for us... You are the best ah ma ever... really... even if we really dont have time for your but you will never complaint... I love you grandma... I love you for loving me and I love you for everything...